waiting

I wrote this in my journal several weeks ago. But then I read this from David Bosch. His words are an effective introduction.

"We know that the kingdom is coming because it has already come. We live within the creative tension between the already and the not yet. forever moving closer to the orbit of the former. We Christians are an anachromism in this world." David Bosch, Spirituality of the Road, 1975, p85.

And so, when, after thristing for the presence of God, finding him right here in the mundane ordinary is somehow commical. I look down, I see a hole in my shoe. I laugh. I look up, I see trees. I see sun. I look right, I see small girl holding a baloon, smiling and wispering to her mother. I look left, I see God.

This year feels full of waiting. Waiting for a job, waiting to have real friends, waiting to move in to our apartment. And once, having obtained these things, waiting even still as I learn my new job, as I navigate new friendships, as I slowly decorate my apartment. I wait for happiness. I wait for my boyfriend to be in the same contitent. I wait for people to recognize my apptitude and talent at work. I am waiting for my heart to have peace, for a secure financial future. I am waiting for my body to catch up with my mind, to realize what I already know.

And through all of this, waiting and wanting to see God.

Scripture is full of waiting. Abraham and Sarah wait for their son, Noah waits for the flood to subside, Moses waits for his people to be free. Israel waited 40 years to get into the Promised Land. The Psalms are full of waiting for vindication, for justification. The prophets, Amos, Isaiah, Ezekiel, wait for God's word to be heard. And of course, the entire text before the Gospels wait for coming of the Messiah.

Even the coming of Christ did not bring immediacy--our souls still wait, eagerly and desperately for the second coming of the King. We are waiting for the coming of the Kingdom, for a reign of justice and righteousness.

To expectancy, there is no end.

When I think about it, it seems that everyone I know is trying to get to an end--an end to misery, an end to suffering, depression, anxiety, and hopelessnes. I think that this is why Jesus' words are so dangerous. When he says, "Blessed are you poor, for yours is the Kingdom of God" he is saying that the poor are even plessed while poor. He says that the suffering are blessed while suffering, that the hungry are blessed while hungary. They are blessed while naked, while tired, while beaten, while hated, while misunderstood--in spite of these there is still blessing.

Blessing is here! Blessing is now! Look up you tired! Look up you weary, for the Kingdom of Heaven is at hand! It is near and it is active. It persues peace, and joy, and love. It looks to God, to neighbor and to self. In spite of trials, tribulation, persecutions, famine and sword, we know that above all else, that God is good.

If we wait for an end to suffering I think we will be disapointed. If we wait for out lives to be good, we will be let down. If we wait for suffering to end, we will miss the point of the gospel. That Christ is here and now, that heaven and hell are reflected daily realities. These are the truths that govern our lives: evil is real but God is good. We can know these things.