Choices and decisions

I am realizing that we often don't realize the choices we have. Too often I hear myself and my friends say, "this made me mad," or "you made me sad." As a behavioral specialist, I tell my clients, "you have a choice in what you feel, you have a choice in your response." I said this to a friend yesterday and she said, "I don't have a choice. I'm pretty powerless; it's only through God's grace that I could ever choose out of a negative feeling." This comment caught me off guard. While I appreciate the sentiment in her comment, I think there are a few things missing about her choice and responsibility. Does the bible really say that we don't have a choice? Does God really make us powerless except through his grace?

When I opened to Genesis 4, I see one of the most poor reactions to a bad situation: Cain is caught in this family dynamic: everything his brother does is recognized above his own. He lives in the shadow of his brothers devotion, performance and good works. Cain must feel so bitter and resentful of his older brother. The bitterness comes to a head when Cain tries to give an offering and it's pointed out by God that it's not quite good enough. Maybe Cain had a busy day in the field and could only gather a few rotten little fruits, or maybe he was just being a little lazy. Either way, we see he is currently in a situation that is out of his own control-- God's reaction is out of his ability to change or manipulate. Cain's reaction is anger; he shows it to God. But God's response is interesting: "Why are you angry and why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin is lurking at the door; its desire is for you, but you must master it." God tells Cain "look, kiddo, you chose your own fate here. If you are angry, it's your own choice. Furthermore, if my reaction has influenced your own anger, you'd better check yourself. In your anger you might sin, you must control yourself." But Cain doesn't listen, and he chooses instead to kill his brother. He gives into the most extreme response to anger.

I think a lot of us live like Cain. Outside circumstances and our own choices land us in situations beyond our control and ability. We get angry. We get sad. We end up saying, "why me? Why now?" And God's response is similar, "sin may be lurking at your door and you must master it." Choose out of sin. We can be real with God in our anger, sadness, frustration; but we have a choice about the strength and duration of these feelings.

The apostle Paul puts it in a different way: "I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin." I think this is where my friends response comes from--I don't have control apart from God. Yet, I think if we look closely at Paul's writing we can see something different. Paul is not saying that we do not have control and choice. Rather he says the opposite, and points our that he his making an active choice into God's law. He empathizes with the difficulty of carrying out this choice but still insists that we are actively choosing to submit our will to God's and this means we are choosing out of negative feelings and reactions. Paul does not give excuses so much as a method for making better choices. It is difficult to carry these choices out, but we have the grace and empowerment of the Holy Spirit.

As redeemed people we need to be careful about taking responsibility for our choices and actions. We really do have more control and more choice than we think we do. We are not victims of a sinful society, rather we are ambassadors and not citizens of this world. Partners with God's work in our families, our neighborhoods, and our lives.