So yeah.

Transition is good. But also hard. Today I found out that my boss is leaving. My boss who I have cried with, laughed with, and alltogether have shared real fellowship with. He is leaving. Gone.

When he told us, as a group, my coworkers collectivly shouted "you suck!" Diamante said, "now I know how our client's feel when we leave." It's true. I felt the tightening of the stomache. The feelingangryandbloodrushingaroundinthehead. The ohmygosh. I felt the ican'tbelieveyoudidn'ttellmeandithoughtwehadsomething. I wanted to tell myself, this is not a personal relationship, this is your boss! He doesn't have ties to you. But I still feel that sadness. He is a great friend of mine. One whom I felt an immediate connection with. I know that I am moving on too, I just didn't think that things would change.

It's funny how we set these rules on things. Things can change and leave, but I'd better do it first. I'd better pull out first. I'd better be safe first. I'd better get mines and get out before you can do the same. Eric, you can leave, but not before me. I need some amount of safety, some amount of security. I know it's not in you, but sometimes it sure feels like it is. It's funny how we personify happiness and safety. It's funny how we trust in chariots and horses. Some trust in the name of the Lord. I want to trust in the name of the Lord. Not in my boss. Not in my job. Not in outside circumstances. It seems easy enough.

Pedro the Lion has this song, that really speaks to my lament. We believe. We cling to the promises. But man I friggin struggle. Jesus loves me anyway.